Why our “before and afters” aren’t a measuring stick
This past week, I purged, organized, and cleaned my office and studio…something that was well overdue. These spaces had ultimately become a part-time music room for my teens, a part-time brooder for my chicks this spring, and a full-time storage unit. Needless to say–it was really hard to focus or feel creative surrounded by so much overstimulation.
Once everything was cleaned, I quickly took a photo and went to post on Instagram, only to stop myself. I’d forgotten to take a “before” photo. A photo that would allow you (the viewer) a way to measure how much work I’d done and to prove to you all why I “deserved” your praise.
I went along with my day, not thinking too much of it, until later that night when it hit me, we (humans) are convinced that the only way we can get validation, praise, or acknowledgment is by being able to prove growth and change. If there’s no photo–it never happened. But the truth is that all we’re doing is comparing ourselves with ourselves and inviting the world to do the same–“Please compare this updated version of me with this old version of me and validate that I’ve changed“. We want to be seen.
And there is nothing wrong with change and growth — in fact, it’s inevitable. However, our before and afters are not a measuring stick to measure our value and our worth. We are a living creature and therefore we are ever evolving–ever growing. This is something I’ve really had to embrace over the last year of my own life.
With two teens, one with their learner’s permit and driving nonetheless, my personal life has begun to shift in ways I truly hadn’t been prepared for. Then, when I was convinced that I was going to retire from wedding photography in 2026, the “9-5” jobs I had invested endless time, love, and devotion in fell out from under my feet. All of this had left me shaky and questioning “who am I” and “what the heck am I supposed to do”. I’ve been uncomfortable and afraid to show anyone this “before” phase that I’ve been in, afraid of what kind of light that would shine on me.
So last week, full of uncertainty and living with a lot of unknowns, I tackled something I could have control over. I took out all of the unused instruments, cleaning up the dust my chicks’ brooders had built up, and I got to just hit “reset” in my workspace. Because sometimes that’s literally all we can do. Take a deep breath, hit “reset”, stop checking online for validation or waiting on people in our lives to validate us, and just keep going–even if it’s a little step every day.
Words and photos copyright Heather Woolery©
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